Sell your house, say good-bye to old friends, pack your suitcases and move to France, on a whim. That just about sums up what we did. There were bound to be some unanticipated surprises.
We could have ended up saying, “What were we THINKING?!” But we got lucky. Nearly 12 years later, our daily refrain is, “Aren’t we fortunate to live here?”
Of course there were many surprises along the way. But the biggest one involves an important question we never really asked ourselves, when we decided to make the move. Which was: “Who will our friends be?” Since we’re in a small village in la campagne, I supposed we’d learn French eventually and then hang out with the local villagers.
But we found our tribe in places and ways we did not expect. So who ARE our friends? Yes, we like the locals in the village, we chat with them in the streets, see them at village events, and serve on village committees with them. But the close friends we socialize with fall into three categories:
—Our châtelains Nicole and Pierre and the many friends that they’ve introduced to us, French and otherwise, who come from far and wide.
—Expats from many European countries, who live within about a 30 minute radius of us.
—French folks from the area, usually professionals and/or retireés, who’ve moved here for the great Bourgogne lifestyle.
Photo above, our tribe at a party at the château, with a Mexican theme. At right, Nicole, sporting some chic glasses, at her birthday party this week, with our friend Henri. Below, some friends gathered for a soirée chez nous.
The biggest of these groups are the expats. They come from all over: we have friends from Holland, England, Ireland, Australia, Germany, Switzerland, Norway, Italy, Finland, Morocco. There's even the odd American! (Idea: If you’re in France and want to meet some expats, sign up for a French language conversation group, you will surely find some there).
Take the lovely lunch party we went to last week, given by close friends who are Dutch (he) and American (she). I counted nine nationalities at the party.
Sometimes, the languages fly, Babel reborn. Folks (including me) have been known to bang on the table during a lively conversation to remind everyone: French or English are the universal languages at this table!
And the effect of living such an international life? Minds, opened wider. A better understanding of the big wide world, its cultural differences and its politics.
Our “unexpected consequnces”, the friends we’ve made–who are truly our “family” in France–have turned out to be the greatest treasure of our French adventure. Thank you dear friends, for making our life here such fun and so rewarding, and for helping out in so many ways.
Dear readers, if you live in France, where did you find your community of friends? Or, if you moved to France, who would your friends be? If you happen to be considering spending some extended time here, it’s not a bad question to ask. It’s not something you can plan for—in our case, it was pure serendipity—but it’s worth seeking out someone in the area you’re considering moving to, who might introduce you around to local folks, and make it a smoother transition. We hope you’ll be a lucky as we were!
In the COMMENTS: a big welcome to our new reader Abigail. She has a great blog called Abigail's Garden. If you're interested in gardening/food/travel, you will want to check it out. Abigail is traveling in our area this week, as you'll see from her blog. Meanwhile Dani (of the Sunflowers & Pomegranates blog), Julie, Paula and Natalia share recipes/cooking tips. Natalia, that's funny, I do the same thing with my tomato tart, it's good. Carole tells more about Maille. Martin, you and Pete are brave to eat andouillette, and smothering it in mustard seems the best way to get it down!
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21 thoughts on “Moving to France: Unexpected Consequences”
I couldn’t agree more Lynn. We have indeed been so very fortunate to happen on such a crowd as we have in Southern Burgundy. Thank goodness it is only a short journey to join them again.
Such a lovely post and inspiring Lynn. We hope when we do at last choose our place to settle in to we will be as fortunate as you both in meeting such a fabulous cadre of friends from around the world. We already have been so lucky in meeting you and so many fun expats in each region that we have spent time living in over the past almost three years now. Viva la France et viva les amities. Bon weekend!
It’s still an ongoing issue for me in Dijon as I try to build my tribe. It’s a large enough city that one would think it would be easy to find other English-speakers. However, those people usually come here because of work or marriage and quickly integrate into French culture, especially if they have children in school. They don’t congregate. There is a fair-trade café co-op started by a French and an American person. Among activities is a monthly English-speaking group. I have met a few through those gatherings, but they are busy with work and family during the week, so it is impossible to have an impromptu lunch with them or take in an English-language movie. However, when my chauffage wasn’t working they came to get it running until the weekend was over when I could call a professional.
I dream of your big, multi-national gatherings, but since I don’t live in France year-round, it is more difficult. But I’ll be back in town in a couple of weeks and look forward to doing some real gardening for a friend since my apartment only has a petite balcone.
Lynn I enjoyed your tribe post. Wishing you the best. Thanks, Marsha
Great post, Lynn – We are indeed fortunate to live in France and experience the local life and culture it has to offer – bon weekend!
Ditto! I think of that almost everyday here. We are soon lucky!!
Hu Lynn,
My husband and I came to Nice in January, 2014. We eventually found several (mostly late middle-aged) expat friends in the Meetup groups in our area. Potlucks are great for meeting a wide variety of people, as well as eating deliciously!
Some of these ex-pats, in turn, have introduced us to their French friends, which is wonderful, as our French is still rudimentary, but improving daily. When we were planning our move, we knew that we did not want to live exclusively in an ex-pat community. For us, a major goal was to learn about a new culture and society.
Lynn, you said it so well! After 2 years away from our house in this tiny Burgundian village it seems like it took only moments to be sucked back into our home and garden. Even repainting the peeling shutters was a chore done with a smile. But as the summer draws to a close for this Dutch/ American couple and we head back to the States we are left with one abiding thought: we have missed our tribe too much and will never again be gone for so long. Bisous to all of you. You make our France what it is – Glorious, warm, loving, and fun!
Ellen and Rudy
I have had much the same experience in the 6 years I’ve been here. What a great unexpected bonus, all of my new international friends!
bonnie
Lynn,I hope I have said this before,but it really is a privilege for all of us
to have become your extended family and share in your life’s adventures.
I feel like your wonderful friends have become ours as well,especially Nicole
and Pierre(!)
And how pleasant to recall happy times my husband and I spent in Europe during younger days!
(Thankfully still always filled with joie de vivre!)
THANK YOU!
We did a similar thing Lynn about 5 years ago but to France. We did however move quite a considerable distance away, Colorado to Arizona. We didn’t know a soul but we certainly have made our mark now. Everyone thought we were crazy, most likely still do. I don’t regret it one bit except for the summer which is quite hot to say the least. It does expand your world,opens up the mind & gave us new cultural experiences even if the move was not to another country.
We never worried about making friends because we knew that would happen on its own. Great post!
Thank you for this fascinating post!
So true!!! I think if you open yourself up to the experience, then you will find your tribe and they will find you. For example – when my late ex-husband and I lived in Vallauris for 2+ years, we took our Standard Poodle to Obedience class….did I speak French? No. Did my ex-husband? No. Did it matter? No. And through that experience, I learned the French terms for dog obedience. Our poodle ALSO learned the French terms for obedience. AND I met one of my dearest friends at the class who is a world class sculptor. All good!
Lynn,
It has taken me over 24 agonizing hours to get to your blog, which I generally devour the minute it pops up in my e-mail box. I’m always especially interested in the back story, so to speak, though your story is more of the “now” story. I’m a retired bureaucrat from the California state government with a decent pension, but my health insurance doesn’t allow me to be outside the good old U.S. of A. for a day more than five months. Considering I pay $0 for the privilege (as it was included in the retirement package), I can hardly complain. And I imagine my three sons are grateful I don’t have the freedom to flee permanently. But it’s always there in the back of my mind. Instead, as you know, I travel. We head back to France on September 7 for a little over a month. It’ll be my annual hit and I look forward to it heartily.
Enjoyed the blog–as usual.
Fondly, Chris
We had just hosted our annual soirée indienne for our french friends and neighbours. It’s getting bigger every year. This year 26 french friends came everyone loved the food. We had lots of laughs. And shared a wonderful evening. Very very lucky to have found our little corner of paradise.
Lynn,I can vouch for our true friendship as you said we have many nationalities and it works very well.I had a health scare I was feeling very poorly and unable to climb the stairs and passed out a few times.My husband ,Nicole,and Pierre became very concerned and before I knew it I was visiting the local GP.Nicole came into the surgery as I was not with it and she was able to translate what the Doctor said.My pulse was very feeble so she did a ECG and I noticed she gave Nicole a look ,this was followed by a call to our new hospital in Chalon and she spoke to a cardiologist.In fifteen minutes there was an intensive care unit with a cardiologist and I was taken to hospital.Nicole and Michael followed the ambulance and the cardiologist told them that I needed a pacemaker .After a night in intensive care a pacemaker was inserted.The French medical system is fantastic and the nursing staff were very caring.
Thank goodness I had Nicole for the technical translation as no one spoke English .I stayed in hospital for 5 days and then a nurse for 10 days changing my bandages and making sure I was Ok .Our group was so caring with many phone calls and Lynn and Ron arrived with a bottle of wine and a meal ( it was very well appreciated).I,am telling you my story to reassure you all that if you get a health scare, the French medical system is excellent,they don,not even ask you if you have insurance,they just treat you .( by the way it’s very cheap.Thank You All for your caring friendship.
So very very lovely and I envy your wonderful lifestyle! As much as I adore where I live (Newport,RI) the winters are absolutely horrendous. France and Charleston sound like the perfect combo!
xxx
Lynn, I have heard only fabulous things from our mutual friend Connie. I am sure that your friends count themselves fortunate whenever they get together with you. I love this: “Minds, opened wider.” It’s a beautiful truth when you open yourself up to new adventures, and new friends wherever you go, as you do. Love reading about your life and adventures in France, and beyond, friend. xo Lidy
Hi Lynn and all expats that we were so fortunate to see again this summer. Each time we come back to Burgundy, we feel more at home during our stay. All of you offered the most generous hospitality and invited us into your homes to not only share extraordinary meals but meaningful conversations. If we were to ever buy a second home there (and I would love to in a heart beat) it would be in your area just to be able to experience the lifestyle that you all enjoy. Lynn, you have captured it so well in this blog and thank you so much for entertaining us in your beautiful home. We feel so fortunate and grateful to have met all of you. xoxo Much love, Connie
I love reading your blog. You are very fortunate indeed. My dream is to move to France and I do love everything French: cuisine, movies , music and defiantly the language.
But as a single middle-aged Arab gay man, I really don’t fit in one category. The gay community in the US is very youth oriented and even a recent move to another city in the US proved that to me.
I’m afraid I’d be so lonely in France 🙁
Lynn and friends,
My sweetheart and I are planning to retire in France beginning in the spring of 2016. Our dilemma is that we have no idea where to live! Every move I have ever made was to a place dictated by my spouse’s job. I welcome any thoughts about how to decide on the perfect locale.